Should you choose a Grief Coach or a Grief Counselor?
The Do’s & Don’ts Of Talking to a Mom Who Has Lost a Child
Years after my son Nicholas’ death I started feeling a pull to become a grief counselor (therapist) so I could help other moms suffering through their own child loss.
But then I was introduced to grief COACHING, and fell in love with the concept of helping Moms all over the world deal with the loss of a child.
Coaching is a relatively new profession (there are coaches for business, confidence, relationships, money, and more, plus general life coaching), but don’t count it out just because you aren’t familiar with it.
Happy Birthday to the one that got me through the worst year of life
I remember, within the first year after my child’s death, someone said to me “You’re so strong, I couldn’t do what you’re doing. I wouldn’t survive.” This simple statement, meant as a compliment really, hurt me to my core. I felt as if she was saying I didn’t love my child as much as she loves hers. I imagined all sorts of things she (and probably others) were thinking about me. Looking back on it now, I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it, but something has made me remember it to this day almost 23 years later.
Permission to laugh
I wanted to find a way to write about my daughter Brooke’s birthday, without offending or hurting those who may read my blog – specifically Moms who have lost a child. But as I thought about it two things came to mind.
Who I am + who I want to be
I remember shortly after Nick died, maybe a week, we were all huddled around my daughter watching her, hanging on her every word and move. I don’t even remember what she did, but I remember a laugh escaping my lips. Immediately, I was shocked and ashamed. How could I laugh when my son had just died?
What is a grief coach and how do I know if I need one?
I’m just a regular woman who does all the typical things. But on January 12, 1996, a different title was forced on me. Then I became a parent who has lost a child. While there are a lot of others like me in this respect, there are a lot more who aren’t. Thank goodness.
My first try
Your heart is broken. You are overwhelmed with sadness. You are numb. You can’t believe what has happened. No one knows how you feel. How could they? They didn’t have the relationship that you had with your child. You’re not even sure you WANT to feel better. It wouldn’t be right to feel good when your child is GONE.
I look at my life in two sections. Before and after. Honestly, before I was clueless. I’d never suffered any debilitating loss. Anyone I had known that had died was an “old person”. It was sad, but it’s not the level of sadness I would come to know later.